Humorous Father's Day Story : Books About Fathers

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<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office” />I'm willing to bet that neither father nor son told mom about this coin consumering capter…image

 


After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.

Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.

His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”

 

Books About Fathers

 

For Children:

 

  • A Perfect Father’s Day, by Even Bunting and Illustrated by Susan Meddaugh
  • Biscuit Loves Father’s Day by Alyssa Satin Capucilli and Illustrated by Pat Schories
  • Father’s Day by Anne Rockwell and Lizzy Rockwell

Business Vocabulary Builders :Glossary Blamestorming, 404,

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Terms become part of business life because they entertain and capture a moment from real life. Enjoy a few that we’ve collected for you.

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ADMINISPHERE:  the rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file.  Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate of irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

 

BLAMESTORMING:  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

 

OHNOSECOND:  That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.  (Like hitting send on an email by mistake).

 

SEAGULL MANAGER:  A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

 

CUBE FARM:  An office filled with cubicles.

 

404:  Someone who’s clueless.  From the World Wide Web error Message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested site could not be located.

 

PRAIRIE DOGGING:  When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

 

MOUSE POTATO:  The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

 

SITCOMs:  Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.  What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

 

STRESS PUPPY:  A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

 

SWIPEOUT:  An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

 

XEROX SUBSIDY:  Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

 

IRRITAINMENT:  Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

 

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:  the fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.  Often feel like doing this to my computer….

 

GENERICA:  Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

 

 

WOOFS:  Well-Off Older Folks.

Kids And Teachers Humorous Moments

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Parenting and teaching are sure to bring hilarious moments like these conversations reported by teachers.

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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />North America.

 MARIA: Here it is.

 TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

 CLASS: Maria!

 __________________________

 

 TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”

 GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”

 TEACHER: No, that's wrong

 GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

 __________________________________

 

 TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

 DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

 TEACHER: What are you talking about?

 DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

 __________________________________

 

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

Quotes Famous People About Mother and Parenting

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The call to be a mother and do it well, is what changes the world.  We’ve captured what statesmen (Abraham Lincoln, John Quincy Adams) and key cultural influencers said about their mothers. “Remember to call your mother.” 

 

 

 “I remember my Mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” – Abraham Lincoln

 

 “ God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” – Jewish Proverb

 

”A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” – Tenneva Jordan

 

”All that I am, my Mother made me.” John Quincy <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />Adams

 

 “And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see — or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read.” – Alice Walker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Entertaining Sports and Relationship Stories: Humor

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Football: Upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say “I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said, “To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too.”

 

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Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

 

 

Basketball: Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record: “We can't win at home. We can't win on the road.. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play.” (1992)

 

 

Football & Relationships:

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

“I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'”

 

Humor, Riddles, Illustration, Books : Easter Kids, Teachers

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Easter Humor

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  • Eighteenth-century German settlers brought “Oschter Haws” (the Easter Bunny) to <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags” />America, where Pennsylvania Dutch settlers prepared nests for him in the garden or barn. On Easter Eve, the rabbit laid his colored eggs in the nests in payment. In Germany, old Oschter lays red eggs on Maundy Thursday. The funny thing is, rabbits are mammals and do not lay eggs.

 

Easter Riddles

  • Q – Why does the Easter bunny have a shiny nose?
    A – His powder puff is on the wrong end.

 

  • Q – What do Easter bunnies do to stay in shape?
    A – Eggsersize.

 

Humorous Easter Story

  • A minister has been reassigned to a new church and wants to see how seriously the attendees take Easter. He approaches a one person and asks the meaning of Easter. She replies that Easter is when a giant bunny brings candy for children. Ok, how about another, so the priest asks someone else. He says Easter is when all the children color eggs, and the adults hide the Easter eggs and let the children participate in an egg hunt. Ok, how about another, so the minister finds a conservative looking person praying quietly, and he hopes she appreciates the meaning of Easter. She describes how Jesus carried the cross and then was crucified, and then his body was put in a cave with a rock at the entrance. Good so far thought the minister but then, Easter Sunday, the boulder magically rolled away from the cave, Jesus was resurrected … and stepped out of the cave and saw his shadow, and he knew there would be 6 more weeks of winter.

 

 Easter Books

 

For Children:

  • “The Night Before Easter” by Natasha Wing
  • “Easter Bugs: A Springtime Pop-up” by David A. Carter

Humor: Business Starting Salary Story

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A story is told about the negative impact of an “entitlement” attitude in job candidates..

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of Harvard, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”

The candidate said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The HR Person said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Hummer?”

The young candidate sat up straight and said, “Wow!!! Are you kidding?”

And the HR Person said, “Certainly, …but you started it.”

Business Humor and Quotes

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Humor and quotes for business communications

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A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

 

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle

 

 

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

 

 

A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.

 

 

A crisis is when you cannot say “let's just forget the whole thing.”

Parenting Is The World's Most Important Job – Humor

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No task is as critical to the future as good parenting. Some days being able to keep your sense of humor and perspective really helps. We've collected some humorour thoughts on fatherhood, raising teens, being a working mom and more.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = “urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office” /> FATHERS THEN AND NOW

 

1. In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE..”

 

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge.”

  

TEENAGERS

 

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

 

BEING A MOM

 

You know you’ve turned into a mom when You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

 

Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life.